Resource Author Francisco Rodriguez Higueras
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Our care giving dilemma derives many of its frustrations and heartaches from our parents’ and society’s centuries-old expectations that care giving for the elderly “is the children’s job.” This assumption is still the status quo even though you have no medical or gerontological training. It assumes that you will know the following:

-when, how and how much to intervene

-how to manage insurance benefits

-how to evaluate a nursing home

-how to cope Alzheimer’s disease

-how to resolve a host of other new and life altering care giving dilemmas.

If you have taken up this role, then you are certainly not alone. The informal, unpaid caregiving duties are valued at over 3 billion dollars in the US. The value of this contribution totals up to more than Medicaid spending for long term care. This does take the pressure off of government programs.

But wait…We are the first generation, ever in the entire history of the world, to face the difficulties of living in a time where we may spend more years caring for elderly parents than we spent caring for our children.

How do elder-caregivers cope in a world where less than 1% of doctors are trained in geriatric medicine? Where up to 140,000 deaths annually occur from Adverse Drug Reactions yet only 720 out of our 200,000 pharmacists have geriatric training? And the entire care giving system relies on poorly paid workers with only 40 hours of training for effective and compassionate care? Add to this the inherent determination of most parents to keep their adult children from knowing anything about their medical needs or financial status and it’s easy to see why continued attempts at intervention may seem like a waste of time. They’re not. Education, planning, and communication can help overcome much of our parents’ resistance to our help.

Therapists usually recommend mobility aids without knowing the intended use or safety issues. Until, therapists and others who recommend these products are educated we will continue to see the proliferation of low quality ineffective products. Those who recommend mobility aids should focus on effectiveness, safety and intended use otherwise we end up paying the greatest price when a fall happens.

Of course, you want to be a responsible adult child, and since you love your parents, you do want to make sure they are well cared for. However, you will not do anybody good in the long term if you do not accept some help when you need it. If you are feeling the strain, do not be afraid to look into sources of help.

Services are out there, from counseling to home health care professionals to adult day cares. If you can release some of the burden, your relationship with your charges will improve, and everybody will be happier in the long run.

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